so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
