Three words: puerto rican gang bang
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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