Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
