Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
