She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I understand Curling. That high.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
