i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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