why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
