This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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