I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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