He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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