she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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