I faked an abortion last night.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize