Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh god it's open bar.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
