fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
