Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
