You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
