Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text

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(903): View more from Texas

I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

What did you cook with whisky?

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We started a fire.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit

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(208): View more from Idaho

Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.

(208): View more from Idaho

Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.

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