if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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