why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
