you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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