Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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