hotel room ftw
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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