Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
40s are totally the cure
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
