this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize