Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
