It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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