the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
