5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
