Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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