Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
love makes seman taste better
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
