Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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