I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
