I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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