I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
