is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
