If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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