i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We left the knife in your bed.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
