question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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