My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
