We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
