Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think I died a long time ago.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
