she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
