I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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