If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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