I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
