I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
