I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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