im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
