did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
