Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
