OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
