Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
