I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
