You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
