i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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