do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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