i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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