The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
