just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize