found the other keg... it's in the tree
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
