How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize