Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize