While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
