At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
