I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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