This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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