Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize