my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
